


A (ab)NORMAL WINTER DAY

by thoughtsdemise



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Fairy Tail Stupidity, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 14:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11579508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoughtsdemise/pseuds/thoughtsdemise
Summary: The word 'normal' can only be stretched so far when dealing with Fairy Tail wizards.





	A (ab)NORMAL WINTER DAY

Scene 1-Overwhelmed

"Welcome to the Kingdom of Fiore! Where in a certain district, in a certain town, in a cer—"

A loud explosion is heard over the welcoming trumpets and cymbals, followed by several stinging insults flying back and forth along with flames and ice shards.

The narrator clears his throat and diligently tries again. "Ahem…yes…Where in a certain district, in a certain tow—"

"I told you already, barbeque stick! I'm gonna kick that glowing ass of yours!"

"Yeah right you melting popsicle! And you leave my ass out of this! 'Cause I'm gonna beat yours until you're puking ice chunks from it!"

The narrator coughs again—rather loudly this time. The audience either nods in sympathetic understanding or offers up cough drops. Through clenched teeth and accompanied with nails scraping something (most likely a tabletop or could be bones, whichever would be more satisfying to mangle), the narrator tries once more.

The trumpet- and symbol-birds only stare.

"Welcome to the Kingdom of—"

Now we all know what happens next:

  1. All hell breaks loose.
  2. Things get burned, frozen, or just generally mangled.
  3. There's a quick flash of flesh and light seen along with the word "requip" (or connsou if you're a geek for it).
  4. There's whining, whimpering, and pathetic squeaks of "aye" from Happy #2.
  5. All the while a red-head nods accepting that everyone is just the besties! like she wants even when her back is turned.



Yuppers just another normal day for Fairy Tail! Except it seems they're on the lookout for a new narrator again; they're at a new record too as they've only gone through four this week (much better than the 26 from last week), and it's only Wednesday.

Now where was the narrator? Oh yeah! We were just about to peep into the guild's daily activities. Pretty normal fair really. Broken furniture, bottles, and bodies line the guild floor while one of the sweetest and scariest women in the guild easily maneuvers around the mess. Serving the beer with a dashingly menacing smile, Mira beams because today was going to be the day that meant the world to the guild. They finally had a reason to celebrate—when didn't they have a reason to celebrate their hindquarters off? It was "Snowflake Finding Day".

Let's turn to our favorite Fairy Tail five-some. We'll call them Team Boob just to make everyone happy.

"Happy!" A blond screeches at the top of her lungs at a small blue cat, Exceed, animal, thing (?!). "Stop staring off into space and talking to yourself before I make kitty-kitty chow mien."

"Wah! Natsu, Lucy's gonna eat me again."

The blue cat flies behind his best friend, your friendly neighborhood-destroying Salamander. His odd eyes fill with tears. "She always so mean to me."

"I heard the comment about 'Team Boob', you little headache."

"Well if I had called us Team Natsu, Gray would've gotten pissed again."

"Wha…how do even know a word like that!"

"Aye. It's because I'm a cat," Happy says helpfully.

Lucy pinches her temples and sighs. Again she regrets hopping onto a team with these two idiots.

"Just shut up and get over here already. And no belching fire at Gray, Natsu!" Said person chokes on the fire he had been aiming at the ice mage. "If Erza's lesson wasn't enough for you, I can always call her over for some extra credit."

Natsu withers under the blonde's evil stare and behaves himself for now. "So when are we going to get the race started?"

"What race?"

"She asks curiously."

"Happy!"

"Aye!"

"Dumb cat."

Natsu raises his fists and billows out flames into the chilled air. "The race we have once a year to find the snowflake that looks like the one Gramps makes."

"Uh…isn't that a bit—"

"And the best part is that the snowflake isn't allowed to join in."

"Join in!"

Happy and Natsu dance around like the happy-go-lucky idiots they are.

"And this year we've got a super-secret nin-nin special spy plan that will make sure we win."

"Aye sir!"

Shouts of joy come from the two as the blond and boobs can only stare at the two whooping merries. Her dark eyes close as she considers a question her sensible side is demanding that she NOT ask. But balls to that, she has to ask anyway 'cause she likes to tempt fate like that.

"What plan?"

Natsu stops his whoop-whoop-there-it-is dance to stare her down battle style. His dark eyes take on a serious gleam as he approaches her position. He firmly grips her shoulders and stares into her brown eyes. Lucy swallows and eyes him with growing tension.

"Lucy, are you sure you want to know?"

"Y-yes, I'm sure."

"Are you really sure?"

"Yes, I'm really sure."

"Are you really, really sure?"

"…Yes, I'm really, really sure."

"Are you really, really, reeeaaallly sure?"

"Rrrah! Just tell me the damn plan already!"

Natsu closes his eyes and nods solemnly. He leans in close to Lucy. She blushes as he nears her face. His breath brushes her ear as he whispers words that she has been longing for so long to hear.

"It's a secret."

With her heartbeat clogging her ears, Lucy blinks thinking she misunderstood. "W-What?"

"It's a secret." Natsu backs off with his wide grin and gives her a big thumbs up. Happy repeats Natsu's gesture as is his way as they once again take up their dance. Lucy is left to smack against the ground from their overwhelming stupidity for a moment before she snaps back up and glares at them.

"You guys are…" She puffs out a breath with a small smile as she watches them. She hooks her hair behind her ear and places a hand on her hip. In a joking manner, she grins and adds, "Don't tell me, Natsu. You're going to use Fire Dragon's Roar to melt all the snow around in the area to search for the snowflake." She actually begins to belly laugh now. "I mean come on," she says into a suddenly disturbed, shocked silence, "not even you are that brainless. Hahahaha…ha…ha?"

She opens her eyes and looks at her two cohorts who stare at her with mouths hanging open down to their chest and bugged-out eyes the size of beach balls. A pretty shade of sickly blue coats her forehead as sweat drips down her face.  _ Th-they couldn't be s-s-s-s-serious, right? It was just a bad joke, right? Right? RIGHT?! _ A beautiful shade of green replaces the blue as Lucy cannot find the words to speak.

"Natsu…" is the choked response of choice.

"No fair how'd you know our plan, Lucy." Natsu stamps his foot a few times and crosses his arms in a, as Elfmann would put it, "MANLY" pout. "Well that's okay as long as you don't tell anybody else."

He grins that goofy grin, places both arms behind his head, and kicks his left foot behind his right. Lucy stands there, arms askew and trying to find words (any words really). Happy has landed on Natsu's head beaming at the dumbstruck girl. "I think that's a promise, Natsu! And hey," Happy taps the Salamander, "we better head over to the start area."

"Right! Let's go!"

"Let's go!"

Flames announce Natsu's exit from the stunned Lucy as she is left to wilt to the ground. At a loss for dealing with such brazen…brazen…what the hell would you even call that?!

xXx

Scene 2-Collateral

Natsu is bouncing up and down in place as he eyes Gramps…er…Makarov, guild master of Fairy Tail. You don't know which one that is? Well just look for the skeezy old shrimp looking up girls' skirts, and you found him. Aye!

"Come on already let's get this thing goin'." Like a puppy who has to go outside now, Natsu bounces and keeps a hawk-eye on everyone especially the grumpy ice mage who makes faces at him whenever he looks.

Not one to be outdone, Natsu stops his bouncing long enough to hook a finger in each end of his mouth and sticks his wagging tongue out at Gray. Gray grits his teeth and quickly glances at Erza who of course has her back conveniently turned and is occupied with strawberry cake—wonder how that got there, such the darndest thing. While Gray had the smarts to check to make sure the coast was clear, that's where they ended. He pushes up his nose, crosses his eyes, makes buck-teeth, and gives Natsu the bird while snorting. Natsu kisses his palm and smacks it on his rear end before pulling out a dark haired wig from god knows where and pulling his eyes downward in a drooping fashion, he uses tape to fix them in that position. He then proceeds to wrap his arms around a shocked Juvia who faints and gushes water everywhere in her excitement. Juvia's hope that her Gray-sama has finally fallen in love with her is increased one hundredfold.

"You sweltering bastard!"

"Come get me you minty-fresh weed!" Natsu sticks his tongue out at the ice mage.

The fire mage and ice mage jump at each other over all their ducking guildmates who are so use to the display that it hardly interrupts the steady flow of beer, wine, whiskey, and rum. Even though several others are pulled into the fray, it is mostly ignored by all save those who are currently making bets that Happy is happily taking. However, a certain cake is ruined and…

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE I SAID ABOUT FIGHTING!" The scene quickly turns into a bloodbath as Erza steps in with her usual discipline methods when dealing with droopy and slanty.

Lucy can only snuggle a punning Plue closer as she sighs and watches the aftermath of the dust cloud settle. "Guess we missed the fun, huh Plue?"

"Aye! You did but I've got lots and lots of money for fish to make you happy, Lucy." The blue cat lands on the blonde's head, grinning from ear to ear like a cat that just got into the fishbowl. He leans over her forehead to show her a wad of about 700,000 jewels. As Lucy ogles the cash, Happy grins and hums in a purr. "I always bet on Erza to win. No one can beat her!"

"Ah. What a loveless cat!" Lucy sighs again and eyes the dispatched Natsu and Gray before clearing her throat. "So, Happy…feel like taking a pretty girl out for dinner?" She was slightly broke again and in serious need of fundage for her rent, might as well mooch while the mooching was good.

"Aye! But Lucy," Happy looks around expectantly, "where is the pretty girl at?"

Natsu had come to at the mention of dinner so was already standing behind his blond friend. "But what about the Snowflake Find? I still have to beat that frozen jerk!"

Lucy turns to look at Natsu, starting to agree but then she catches a glimpse of the surrounding area. She starts to say something but walks off with Happy on her head still wondering where that pretty girl was at that he could take out for dinner. Natsu watches her go, clearly confused and scratching at his head. A nearly naked Gray rubs at his sore head—he'd lost his cloths sometime between the insults and the start of the fight. He stands and goes to wipe at the burnt remains of his boxers which immediately fall off in pieces that he doesn't notice.

"Where's Lucy going, Natsu?" Gray strikes a strong pose not thinking of a certain water mage behind him.

"J-J-Juvia is so excited!" Blood spurts from her nose right before the picnic and race area is flooded by rushing water and cries for Gray to control her and to get some damn pants on already.

"Ice Make Shards!" Gray freezes all of the water in one move. Unfortunately he didn't think to exclude all the people in the water including himself.

Several hours later…

Natsu, Gray, and Erza are all bundled up at Lucy's apartment sneezing from the earlier freezing. Erza has deposited herself between the two male dunderheads so that she could have some semblance of peace. Happy sits on the table telling everyone how wonderful the fish was that he had bought for dinner while Lucy is in the kitchen area preparing chicken noodle soup for the still thawing out friends who had invaded her home once again. She tsks and shakes her head with another sigh.

"Pun, pun." A little white oddly shaped ball adds in his opinion.

"Tell me about it, Plue," the blond agrees with the odd noises as if she understood them. "Guess I gotta share my bed again." She pauses when she hears a gruff exchange of words between Gray and Natsu. While they would not get violent with Erza between them, she hoped and hoped, it was encouraging to hear them so lively again. The sullen silence had been starting to get to her. She actually giggles as she takes a taste of the soup. "You know maybe that won't be so bad just for tonight. After all it's just a normal winter day!" She swings the soup into three bowls and saunters out into the living room leaving the punning Plue behind.

"Pun pun puun puuuuuun pun pun pun!" He says happily to the audience before hopping after his master.

For those who need a translation: "As a great philosopher once said, abnormal is normal and normal is abnormal to those who see the world thru the fall of the stars. Peace be with you my star-kinsmen!"

So speaks the great and all-knowing Plue.


End file.
